I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
