i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
