i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
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She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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