We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
