just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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