did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
