We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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