I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
