can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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