Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
