Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
