dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
