Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
