he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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