i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is wine microwaveable?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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