I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
