At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
