Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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