hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize