but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
