Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
