new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
