I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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