Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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