Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
