We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
