How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
