What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I supernannyed him into submission
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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