The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
