her vagine was all disorganized.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Someone came in the potted fern
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
