I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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