he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
