Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
