as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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