Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize