So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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