ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
