you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
