she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
