The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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