mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
