What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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