Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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