I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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