New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
