Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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