Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Randomize
