Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize
