she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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