high people should be assigned attendants
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
