Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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