she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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