KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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