you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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