Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
