dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
