Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
