So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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