True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
