We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
sex in a hospital.. check
Randomize
