You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
