She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
