I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.