I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
