I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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