I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
