This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
