I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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