Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
