I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
