oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
