Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
