You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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