i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
