I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
