Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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