see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize