Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
