If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
ok first of all what the fuck
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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