So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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