She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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